My sleeplessness has been
suddenly replaced by a diligent need to sleep at eight in the night. Even when
my best friend woke me up at twelve in the night, and I ended up spending
another sleepless night, my new sleep cycle was not disturbed. I was able to
sleep the following night – peacefully and undisturbed.
With a fresh mind, I was able to
clearly evaluate my needs, my situation and arrive at a clear decision. I love
her that is something which is irreconcilable, irreversible, and indelible. She
will never love me. This is something which is abundantly and painfully clear
to me. So the only logical thing to do is to love her from a distance, such
that she would never feel my love as a shackle holding on to her conscience,
making her feel guilty (things she told me before). So, I deactivate my
Facebook, cut off my relations with all mutual friends (something I have been
doing for the last few years), and put on an invisible suit. May be all this is
unnecessary. Tomorrow I might activate my Facebook. Tomorrow I might call a
random friend and have a drink. But you get the drift. I will be away from her,
and still love her the same way, importantly she shouldn’t know if I still love
her or not, if I am alive or not. For all purpose, I should become invisible.
That’s why this blog is so
important to me. She will never find me here. My friends will never find me
here. I can proclaim my love here and not be guilt trapped in a maze of moral
questions.
